


Late Nights

by Aiambia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, emotional trash, implied sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 01:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5950417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiambia/pseuds/Aiambia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s terrible, and annoying, and pathetic, and I can’t stand him. I hate it when he glares at me for no reason, I hate it that he has to look so perfect all of the time, I hate how perfect he looks when he’s flushed and squirming beneath me, I hate how, sometimes, he’ll refuse to even spare me a glance, and I hate it that I can’t stop thinking about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late Nights

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of interjection to a fic I'm working on called "Hate Mail" (It's 20 chapters of kinky kylux sex, and almost nothing else.). It's sort of a preview, since it makes refrences to a few things that happen during the Hate Mail, but it's really more of an in-depth look at Kylo's and Hux's feelings toward each other. As with anything, there's a lot of internal conflict on Kylo's part, and Hux is so reluctant to admit to anything that his own feelings nearly sail right over his head. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy a bit of angst, and tell me if it's sad enough.

Reading Music - [Chet Faker - Cigarettes & Lonliness ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qizZOk4ZGY)

 

 

Every late night we spend together gets to me.

 

I know it’s bad. I know I shouldn’t be feeling… _this_. Hell, I don’t even know when I started feeling like this, but it gets to me. Every late night we spend together and apart. He never lets me stay. He never lets me in, and then I have to leave feeling emptier than when we started.  


It didn’t used to be like this. Once upon a time, I was a Knight of Ren. I was powerful, commanding, intimidating, and even _he_ cowered before me. And then….and then I made the mistake of going to him. It was a lesson in respect, I told him. No one disrespects me like that, not even the great General of the First Order. No one is allowed to do something so offensive and get away with it.

  
I wanted to embarrass him, show him that I have control over him in any situation, but maybe I shouldn’t have gone so far. Maybe, this time, I shouldn’t have given into my desires. I wanted to watch him squirm beneath me, red-faced and uncontrolled, but he took us in his hand, and then…I was the one out of control.

  
I guess that’s when it started. And now…kriffing- It just messes with my head! I’m not supposed to have attachments or connections to _anyone_. They make me _weaker_. That’s the whole reason why my master had me…kill…that man…I can’t have attachments. It’s not good for anyone. They’ll only get hurt, and I don’t have time to care right now.

  
One day, when I’ve brought order to the galaxy, when I’m ruling over the peaceful universe that I created, _then_ I can care. Then, I’ll be powerful enough to love, because no one will be brave enough to try and use my love against me. And if they do, I’ll be too powerful for them succeed.

  
One day, I’ll be powerful enough to care, but right now, I can’t. I can’t think about how his icy glare intrigues me, or how everything he’s built fills me with pride. I can’t think about how he wraps himself around me when I’m buried inside him, holding on like the world could end at any moment.

  
Who need him anyway? He’s so cold and crass. He never relaxes or lets his guard down. He always has to have order and rules and _precision_. Sometimes I just want to break those rules to watch him light up in anger. Those stupid rules, keeping everything in place; they’re so dull.

  
And then, it’s _infuriating_ that he insists on overseeing my training. He knows absolutely _nothing_ about lightsaber combat or the force, but he insists on making sure I’m training “ _properly_ ”. That kriffing piece of scum then decides that I am incapable of even handling basic interactions with his _precious troops_ and has all of my meals brought to me wherever I happen to be on the damn ship! I can walk, thank you very much, and I don’t need to be babied.

 

I hate him. I…I really hate him.

 

I don’t know how he can stand being in that stiff uniform all day, and dealing with lowly troops who ask stupid questions. It’s a wonder that he can even keep up with me at night considering how much he does all day. If there’s one thing about him that amazes me it’s that he’s always so busy, but he still finds time to call me to his room at night.

  
How can he remain so calm with all of that stress? At least while he’s awake, anyway. At night, I hear him screaming sometimes, and the one night he passed out before he could tell me to leave, he….there were tears. But he won’t let me into that damned head of his. The First Order trains their officers well. He’d obviously had force-resistance training, and every time I try to force my way in, he blocks me out.

  
At first, he was so _defensive_. He would scream and tell me to mind my own business. And then he just regarded me with a glare and “stop it”. Then it was just the glare. Now, it’s like I’m not even worth the effort to deny. He just puts up the walls and keeps on with his business, completely ignoring my efforts.

 

Fine. He can suffer through the nightmares on his own.

 

This is why ~~shouldn’t~~ don’t care. He’s terrible, and annoying, and pathetic, and I can’t stand him. I hate it when he glares at me for no reason, I hate it that he has to look so perfect all of the time, I hate how perfect he looks when he’s flushed and squirming beneath me, I hate how, sometimes, he’ll refuse to even spare me a glance, and I _hate_ it that _I can’t stop thinking about him._

  
I can’t.

  
I’ve tried, so hard, but I can’t stop.

  
He’s just always there in his stupid uniform with his kriffing rules, and I can’t stand him…but I can’t stop thinking about him either. I don’t want it to be this. I don’t want this to be a…a connection. What does that make him? What does that make us? Why can’t he _just get out of my kriffing head?!_ Just _leave me alone_ , and stop coming to me with those green eyes that just _know_.

  
Stop.

  
Please.

  
I can’t do this. I can’t. It won’t end well, and he knows it, so why does he keep pulling me in? Why do I keep letting him?

  
I don’t know what to do.

  
I know my master will say it one day. I know he’ll give me that same command. One way or another, I’ll have to rid myself of this… _attachment_. But sometimes, I don’t know if I’m strong enough.

  
But sometimes, I think I am. Especially after those late nights, because after every late night we spend together, he tells me to leave. He always holds on, not wanting to end it first, but I’ll push him over the edge and ~~I love to~~ listen to him scream. And then we’re lying together. It’s just for a few moments though, because then he’s rolling to face the wall and telling me to leave. He tells me that it means nothing and that I should just go before he calls security to escort me out. ~~And it hurts.~~

  
But in these few moments I have, lying beside him, our hands still entwined, I get to watch him. For a few moments, I get to watch him come down from that high, listen to him catch his breath. For a few moments, I’m allowed to hold him, tell him how much I love ~~him~~ it. And I have to remind myself not to care.

  
But it’s okay. One day, I’ll be powerful enough. One day, I’ll make the galaxy peaceful again, and then I can afford to care….then I can find him, and hold him, and show him that it’s not so bad to let someone in. One day, I’ll bring balance to the galaxy, ~~and I’ll do it all for him.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written to procrastinate on my homework, because who needs homework?
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading! The next chapter will detail Hux's feelings, and I have no idea when that will be out cause I wrote this on a whim, but it'll be out before the end of the month for sure.  
> As for that kinky-20-chapter-sex-fic I mentioned in the opening notes, I have no clue. I want to get the whole thing written before I start posting anything so that there's not a random 1-month hiatus while I try to get the rest of everything written and edited. 
> 
> So....stay tuned! I promise the wait for 20 chapters of kinky sex will be worth it. Don't want to wait for kinky sex? Follow this link (http://archiveofourown.org/works/5527991/chapters/12757694) to read Hux take it up the ass like a man! (It's in chapter 3.)


End file.
